I’m starting to think I’m losing the plot.
There’s a funk looming over me and I can’t seem to shake it off. Even though I go to places that make me happy, I always end up back in this funk that makes me not want to do anything. It’s a vicious cycle.
It also makes me wonder if I have a form of Jonah Complex because as much as I keep being told one thing or another, I always hold back because I feel like I won’t get it and it will make me more depressed. Therefore, if I don’t try— I don’t get rejected.
Granted, that brings about the whole thing about being in a funk and we’re in a cycle again.
More over, my life in my head is almost like the movie “North.” Sure, it was a piece of shit film, but in actuality— I could understand it. I mean, a kid looking for the perfect place to be with the perfect people around him that would make him happy while Bruce Willis is dressed like a fucking Easter Bunny— who wouldn’t want that??
I need to be more decisive in life and maybe take a couple risks. However, financially— it doesn’t look all that possible unless I get some kind of estate money (not from an African king I never knew I had) or win the lotto. The former being more realistic and probably better odds, too.
It’s a huge clutter in my head— as per usual— but I’m letting myself get much too stressed and rethinking all my decisions in life and wondering if I should take more risks or less and how it would make me more depressed or less miserable one-by-one.
This is what it’s like to be in my brain. Yaaaaaay.